Thoughts by Mark Twain Quotes in English and Quotations

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.

Adam was but human - this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden. The mistake was in not forbidding the serpent; then he would have eaten the serpent.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read.

Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So, throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.

You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

Mark Twain Sayings in English

The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it.

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

- Quotation

Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.

The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.

Out of all the things I have lost, I miss my mind the most.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.

I have never taken any exercise except sleeping and resting.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Writing is easy. All you have to do is cross out the wrong words.

Man was made at the end of the week’s work, when God was tired.

Obscurity and a competence - that is the life that is best worth living.

I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer someone else up.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know.

New Orleans food is as delicious as the less criminal forms of sin.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

I didn't have time to write a short letter, so I wrote a long one instead.

Give every day the chance to become the most beautiful of your life.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Fortune knocks at every man's door once in a life, but in a good many cases the man is in a neighboring saloon and does not hear her.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Loyalty to country ALWAYS. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.

The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

Never argue with a fool, onlookers may not be able to tell the difference.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

I have spent most of my life worrying about things that have never happened.

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.

The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.

Life should begin with age and its privileges and accumulations, and end with youth and its capacity to splendidly enjoy such advantages.

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Censorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't chew it.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.

When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.

Plan for the future, because that is where you are going to spend the rest of your life.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

If all men knew what each said of the other, there would not be four friends in the world.

Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you would rather have talked.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession, what there is of it.

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell-you see, I have friends in both places.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

Never learn to do anything: if you don't learn, you'll always find someone else to do it for you.

I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.

I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them.

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.

There’s one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he’s crooked.

The most interesting information come from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time and your government when it deserves it.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest: ask him; if he says yes, you know he's crooked.

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.

Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up!

If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

That is just the way with some people. They get down on a thing when they don’t know nothing about it.

Eat a live frog first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have got so much more of it.

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little, but that they know so many things that ain't so.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won't.

The finest clothing made is a person’s own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

We are all alike, on the inside.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

Comparison is the death of joy.

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Be good and you will be lonesome.

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It is wiser to find out than suppose.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

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A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.

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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction.

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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

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It is easier to stay out than get out.

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Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

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The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.

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The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

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Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress;  but I repeat myself.

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It could probably be shown by shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except congress.

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Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

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Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

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The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

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Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.

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Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

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Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to.

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I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.

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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

Just the omission of Jane Austen's books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet deep down in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

There are many humorous things in the world; among them, the white man's notion that he is less savage than the other savages.

Do something every day that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

In Paris they simply stared when I spoke to them in French; I never did succeed in making those idiots understand their language.

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.

I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can’t find anybody who can tell me what they want.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.

Do something every day that you don’t want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact.

We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Life is short, break the rules. Forgive quickly, kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile.

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you to the heart: the one to slander you and the other to get the news to you.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

After all these years, I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning; it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.

Humour is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.

With courage you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be compassionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter. ’tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning.

Men write many fine and plausible arguments in support of monarchy, but the fact remains that where every man has a voice, brutal laws are impossible.

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one’s head.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

Anyone who stops learning is old, whether twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing you can do is keep your mind young.

In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.

A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was getting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.

Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings. It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that are forever blowing through one's mind.

An Englishman is a person who does things because they have been done before. An American is a person who does things because they haven't been done before.

There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.

I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.